“Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening.” –Dorothy Sarnoff.
If there is one skill that every human being can improve upon, it is how to listen.
Apparently, this subject is not taught after elementary school, which equates to the message and belief that it is not as important as marketing, sales, finance, human resources, accounting, production, quality control, IT or leadership and all the other functional areas and topics that make up a business.
It is only a guess, but it appears that those who determine curriculum have made the decision that teaching “listening” will only fall on deaf ears. (No pun intended).
It is rare that we compliment others for their ability to actually listen to someone else speak without interrupting, for paying attention to the person speaking, and for having the ability to discern the actual message being conveyed, perhaps even suspending judgment on what was said!
It could well be that our individual attention span has shrunk through the generations with the creation of such devices as the remote control. It could also be a cultural development, where through the years our egos have been so skillfully trained to accept the point of view that if we do not speak up and rebut forcefully and immediately we will be thought of as weak individuals.
In a competitive business environment, those who do not speak up might not be considered worthy of being part of the important decisions being made. If you jump in with a thought, quickly and forcefully, you will be perceived as being held in higher regard than if you take the time to listen carefully, digest what is communicated and make a meaningful reply in response.
Abraham Lincoln has been attributed the thought that it is “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” This was good advice a century and a half ago and it remains something more individuals in business could benefit from following.
So, how can you become a better listener?
It starts with simple courtesy: paying attention to the person speaking. Focus on the person speaking and what they are saying. Ignore the distractions that occur. Look at the speaker. Making and holding eye contact is a clear sign that the listener is focused and in the moment.
You can demonstrate that you are listening by saying “uh-huh,” nodding your head (even if you disagree) and by taking brief notes (mental or on paper). This shows deference for the person talking; it makes it obvious that you are being respectful of what is being said because you are recording it in your own thoughts and words.
The most courteous thing you can do is not to interrupt.
Somewhere we learned that if we do not interrupt we must not be listening, or paying attention, and that this somehow has an impact on the profitability of the business, the business model, the capability of an employee to do their job. Nothing could be further from the truth.
If all you want to do is interrupt a person before they finish, you have not been listening; you have been waiting to argue a point.
The cure is to keep quiet while the other person is talking. All is takes is to close your lips. You cannot speak when your lips are closed. It really is that simple.
When the person finishes, then and only then should clarifying questions be asked or should you give comments.
If all this sounds rather basic, it is.
What we were taught in elementary school about listening was sound and true, only somewhere between then and now we forgot the lesson. We have all become so interested in getting our own points across that we fail to comprehend that those we speaking to just might agree with us. We can only hear our own voices because we aren’t listening.
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