Business Rules
Dear New Employee,
Welcome to the company! I would like to take this opportunity to share the ways in which our company is unique from other places you may have worked in the past.
Candidly, I do not subscribe to all of the various definitions for the “Baby Boomers”, “Generation X” or “Generation Y”. I don’t care what the theories are or what the media tells the world. In this company, there are certain policies and procedures you will subscribe to, regardless of your age, generation, etc.
This company’s success has been a result of hiring the right people. We let people know where they stand all the time so that if we were to make a change or let someone go, there is no surprise.
However, I do understand that you will undergo some adjustments in becoming a productive employee. With that in mind, I have taken the liberty to provide you with the company rules.
This list of rules was originated in a speech given by Bill Gates, and they have been identified as the keys to success within this organization. By the way, we review these rules at every department and company meeting.
Rule 1: Focus on the Mission
At this company, we have a simple mission: “We are ladies and gentlemen serving our clients and each other.” Please memorize this short statement. You will be asked to repeat it, in public, regularly. These eleven words guide our daily actions and behaviors.
Rule 2: Life is not Fair
Life is not fair, so get used to the fact that some people will be blessed with and/or given more than you. It is unfortunate that far too many of us—children and adults alike—spend time complaining about what other people have that we don’t have.
People also complain about the lucky “breaks” others receive by being in the right place at the right time. In business, far too many people envy the success of their competition. Employees often rejoice (perhaps secretly) when they see the problems and pitfalls of others.
How one chooses to deal with what life has given them is the measure of a person. Complaining about things will only make you turn into a negative person who will be far less productive than a happy person.
Rule 3: Develop Your Self-Esteem
The world cares little about your self esteem and expects you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. Success breeds success. If you do not and cannot succeed, then you must look to yourself, and not to the company. You will be as successful as you want to be. The choice is yours and your alone.
Rule 4: Success takes Time
While I would encourage you to set your goals high, you must understand that success does not occur overnight. Success is a journey, so be prepared for the long haul. This means years, not hours.
Rule 5: Respect Your Superiors
You will have a boss who will supervise your efforts. Your boss is not a professor, does not have tenure, and he or she will not allow you to be late for meetings, not follow through when assigned a task, turn things in late, leave early or be tardy.
Those behaviors reflect directly upon his or her judgment to hire you. Because your boss does not have tenure, how well you perform is a direct function of how well he or she performs. You must also consider all those above you in the organization as one of your bosses. Show them respect and they will treat you with the same. Disrespect them and you will not be employed here. (See Rule #1 if you need any clarification regarding this).
Rule 6: Work Hard
Nothing we do here is beneath your dignity. I have a different word for burger flipping—I called it opportunity and it paid my bills when I was younger. We do not flip burgers in this company, but we do serve clients. Clients pay your salary, so what they say goes, as it is your job to please them.
Rule 7: Accept Responsibility
Accept responsibility for your mistakes. Do not blame your parents, college professors, former employer, the government, the oil companies, the automobile manufacturers, your insurance company, your landlord, the driver of the car in front of you, your boss, coworkers, or suppliers. Instead of whining about your errors, omissions and mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 8: Learn From Others
The people you work with are not boring, stupid or slackers. If you think they have nothing to offer you, consider what they have accomplished.
They have worked long, hard hours to create, design, build, market and sell new products, contributing to both the top and bottom line of this organization’s financial well being, which has now allowed us to put you on the payroll.
While they were working very hard to generate profits and positive cash flow, they were also listening to people new to the company talk about how cool they are and how much better things ran at their former employer or when they were in college or high school.
So before you give us a lot of unnecessary advice, do us all a favor and work a few months here so you can understand what it is like to work in a culture different from the one you just left.
Rule 9: Time Off is Earned
You will earn a vacation in 365 days. Unless you have earned it, you will not get time off because you simply need a break. Just to be clear, everyone here works 8 hours a day, more if necessary. Breaks are taken as allowed by law, but they do not last longer than allowed by law.
Rule 10: Real Life Involves Work
Television and movies are not reality. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to work. In this company, people work every day that ends in the letter “y.” This means Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Yes, you read Saturday and Sunday correctly, because our clients expect us to serve them when they need to be served.
Rule 11: Nerds are Important
Are you nice to nerds? You should be, as the chances are that you will end up working for one in this company.
As you begin your new job, it is my greatest desire to help you succeed. Please keep these rules in mind, and I wish you the best of luck in this company!
Warm Regards,
The Business President.
